Cats in Physics
author unknown - via billy's secret email

    1 - Law of Cat Inertia
    A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

    2 - Law of Cat Motion
    A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

    3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
    All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

    4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
    Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

    5 - Law of Cat Stretching
    A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

    6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
    All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

    7 - Law of Cat Elongation
    A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

    8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
    A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

    9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
    Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

    10 - Law of Rug Configuration
    No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

    11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
    A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

    12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
    Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

    13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
    Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

    14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
    If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

    15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
    Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

    16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
    A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

    17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
    All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

    18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
    A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

    19 - Law of Milk Consumption
    A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

    20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
    A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

    21 - Law of Cat Landing
    A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

    22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
    A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

    23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
    A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

    24 - Law of Pill Rejection
    Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

    25 - Law of Cat Composition
    A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Return to Billy's Secret Page

Her NativeTech Home Page

© 1994 - William 'Lambie-kins' Pit-woffie Slee unless cited otherwise.